my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
