You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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