I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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