did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
