so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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