Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
