He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
