they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
