I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
