Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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