Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize