What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
