THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
