he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
