Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Randomize
