She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
