Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Too much gin, very little bucket
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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