I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
