Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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