she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
