gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
