Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
