Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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