He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
420 ftw
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
