Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize