I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
