I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
