My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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