did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize