His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
its liver damage thursday
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
