Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
