I feel great
I just peed on a car
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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