There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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