She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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