low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
