I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
40s are totally the cure
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
