Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I look better un-naked...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
