He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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