My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
