she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
