You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Who died my cat blue again?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
