I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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