I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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