can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
