you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
