Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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