I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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