A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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