TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
