grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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