the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
