She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
It was confusing and full of hummus
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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