Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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