My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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