all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
