remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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