my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
