My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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