The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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