When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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