Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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