I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
