i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
