When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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