i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she smelled like a LAN party
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
