Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
