She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
