yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
