They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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